


drawing breath

by boneswrites



Series: Gateway [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Injured Bones, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:24:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7523767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A time when a personal agenda goes unnoticed by Jim Kirk and the Federation, resulting in the near loss of Leonard McCoy.</p><p>This incident is referred to in “Gateway to a Soul” but this can also be read as a stand-alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	drawing breath

**Author's Note:**

> Since I wrote GtaS, I've been thinking about this particular part. I hope you guys enjoy and feedback is always greatly appreciated! Also, go ahead and check out the original story if you'd like!

_Come on, Bones, it’s not like we’re going to be recruiting people, it’s a simple negotiation. Two days, tops._

_If it’s going to take two days, why are you insisting I be there? You’ll be down and back in no time. I should take that time to make sure everything in the Medbay is in order._

_Because Bones, I want you there. I need someone to keep me company. If I’m being honest, I think it’s going to be quite boring. Help me pass the time._

_Jim…_

_Please Bones, I’ll be jumping off the walls._

_All right, Jim. I’ll go with you._

Now Jim was sitting on one of the biobeds, a nurse dabbing an alcohol filled cotton over the deep cut above his eyebrow but he doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even feel the burn. Instead, he digs his nails into his palm, trying to keep the tremors under control.

Jim waits to hear the fate of his better half.

*****

“Captain, are you certain?” Spock eyes Jim, walking next to him to the shuttle bay.

“Spock, it’s gonna be fine. I’m sure, me and Bones are good with just Hendorff. It’s only gonna be for a few days until we sign the treaty. We’ll be back on board in no time. We’ll stay in contact.”

Spock tightens his jaw but stays silent.

They reach the shuttle to find Leonard standing near the open door, looking nervous and pale and well…scared.

Jim beams. “Bones! Thought you’d bail on me.”

“Don’t get me wrong, that _did_ occur to me,” Leonard huffs.

“I would not have survived that,” Jim pats Leonard’s shoulder and steps onto the death trap as his boyfriend calls it.

“Idiot,” Leonard rolls his eyes and then focuses them on the Vulcan. He arches an eyebrow. “You need something, Spock? Or are you looking for a goodbye cause I really don’t feel like making a scene.”

Spock shakes his head. “No, Doctor, your demeanor suggests—”

“I know what my demeanor suggests, Doctor Phil.”

“I merely aim to wish you a pleasant trip,” Spock nods.

“Pleasant, my ass,” Leonard grumbles.

“Bones!” Jim interrupts. “You coming or what? Hendorff, just in time.”

“Captain, Commander, Doctor,” Hendorff says politely before disappearing into the shuttle.

“Let’s just get it over with,” Leonard decides, stepping onto the shuttle on shaky legs.

“You’re sitting next to me,” Jim reminds him.

“Yeah so I have a front row seat to the end of the world, right?” Leonard says bitterly but slides into the seat on the right side.

“Relax,” Jim settles into his seat, pressing buttons and hears the engine thrive. “Bones, buckle up.”

“Stop talk, stop talking,” Leonard whispers.

“I don’t get it, you did fine on your flight sims at the Academy,” Jim remarks.

“I nearly died during my flight sims at the Academy,” Leonard corrects, feeling the shuttle climb into the air. “My chest almost exploded.”

“Riiiight,” Jim nods. “You were always as white as a ghost,” he chuckles.

“Not helping!” Leonard scolds.

“You’re fine, you’re fine,” Jim soothes. “I’m right here.”

“As much as I appreciate that, Jim, there’s not much you can do when we explode into a million pieces now, is there?”

Jim shakes his head, wearing a soft smile. He reaches next to him and clasps Leonard hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Leonard squeezes back, daring himself to look out the window. He quickly changes his mind and leans back into his seat, closing his eyes instead.

Jim is aware of how tense Leonard feels under his touch, but doesn’t saying anything more about it. He simply focuses on his task of getting them to the planet in one piece, contrary to Leonard’s loudly expressed opinion.

The sun is still and warm in the sky when they dock, being led to their living quarters by an escort assigned by the ruler. Jim had requested two suites; one for him and Leonard and one for Hendorff. They part ways, deciding to meet a few hours later for dinner. The negotiations aren’t set to start until tomorrow.

After they settle into their room, Leonard falls backwards onto the bed. A heavy sigh leaves his parted lips and he slides his eyelids shut. He’s aware of the bed dipping when Jim’s weight joins him, nuzzling his head under Leonard’s neck.

“So?” Jim prompts.

“So?”

“You trust me to get you to places in one piece?” Jim whispers.

“I always trust you, darlin’, it’s space I don’t trust,” Leonard admits, dropping a kiss to Jim’s hair.

“Even after all these years?”

“Especially after all these years. What’s on today’s list of Which Aliens Want to Murder Us and Have Our Brains for Lunch?”

Jim chuckles, sending vibrations into Leonard’s chest making him smile.

“We should change,” Leonard pulls at his collar, the stiffness of the Starfleet uniforms making it quite impossible to get comfortable and breathe.

“Hmm, not yet,” Jim draws closer to Leonard’s body.

“I’m being suffocated, Jim.”

Jim blows out a dramatic sigh and moves to sit up. “We don’t have to attend dinner in these uniforms right?”

“Like hell we will, these are for the negotiations only.”

“Not a very good negotiator are you, Bones?” Jim teases.

“No, which is why you’re here.”

“Good point,” Jim nods. “Come on.” He offers Leonard his hand and helps him get to his feet.

They both shrug out of their grey uniforms and throw on t-shirts and sweatpants. They’d order room service if it were up to them, but Pike had made sure to tell them that attending the dinner was a must.

Leonard hates the idea of small talk but unfortunately, he had to go along with it. He did agree to go with Jim after all but he would never say no to Jim, ever. So that was that. Leonard would bottle it up, pretend he was having a good time and hopefully be back aboard the Enterprise and back to his normal self in no time. He had already started counting the minutes.

*****

Jim stretches, the room already brightly lit and the sunrays shimmering and hitting the walls around them. It was early, but the sun felt like it has been up for hours. Jim smiles when he feels the arm around his waist tightening, running his fingers along the strong muscle under the skin.

“Morning.”

“Hey,” Leonard grumbles, his voice hoarse and dry.

Jim shifts, turning on his side to look at Leonard’s face and his closed eyes. He leans in, placing two gentle kisses to the shielded eyes. “How’d you sleep?”

“Hmm, good, since you were here.”

“No where else I’d rather be,” Jim whispers, brushing his lips against Leonard’s pink ones.

Leonard smiles against Jim’s mouth, willing his eyes open and hazel meets blue.

“Hello,” Jim smiles.

Leonard gazes at Jim, his eyes soft and filled with love and passion and familiarity. Very rarely was Leonard this relaxed and unburdened, and Jim cherished those moments with everything he’s got, implanting them into his memory forever.

“Wanna get some breakfast?”

“Breakfast sounds good,” Leonard agrees.

“I should comm Spock, make sure he knows we haven’t been kidnapped yet,” Jim jokes.

Breakfast goes fine, Hendorff trailing behind Jim and Leonard, keeping distance but remaining close at all times. The negotiations were set to start at three in the afternoon and they found themselves being approached by a member of the Council’s security team, telling them they were ready to start.

It was a simple treaty: you let our ships dock, provide necessary ship maintenance, offer safe routes and resting quarters for the crews, we give you resources and your planet and airspace is under Starfleet’s protection.

There really was no room for turning it down. Unless the Council had an agenda of their own—say to cripple the Federation in one way or another—which unknowing to Jim, Leonard and the Federation, was the case.

They held up the first day of negotiations with politics talk and what if scenarios and hypothetical situations. Jim knew what they were doing: stalling the process. And that is exactly what Jim had dreaded.

“What the hell was that?” Leonard exclaims when they enter their living quarters, throwing his arms in the air.

“I don’t know,” Jim sighs. “The treaty is pretty straight forward, and they have more to win from it. I don’t get it.”

Leonard drops into one of the armchairs. “Something feels fishy. I’m no politician, but it doesn’t feel right.”

“They’re stalling, it’s like…they’re waiting for something to happen. And we can’t really leave, so.” He runs a hand through his neatly combed hair, messing it up.

“What do you mean _can’t leave_?” Leonard’s eyes go wide.

“We can’t leave until they reach a decision, and as much as we love what the treaty holds, the feeling may not be mutual. They’re probably thinking they’re being used for the planet’s position.”

“Isn’t this treaty _because_ of their position? So we’re basically being held hostage,” Leonard’s eyes go hard.

“Well,” Jim shrugs, looking around. “It could be worse.”

*****

“Has there been any advancement?” Spock’s voice echoes off the communicator.

“No,” Jim heaves. “It’s been three days already and they’re still…conversing or whatever. I wasn’t thinking much of it, but it’s really starting to feel like we are being held hostage.”

“And Doctor McCoy?”

“Bones has been double the grumpy since the second day and he’s about to lose it. He’s going to barge into the Council’s court and demand an answer, everything else be damned.”

“That would not be ideal,” Spock says.

“No, it wouldn’t be.”

After hanging up with Spock, Jim walks into the large sitting area to find Leonard leaning over the table and suspiciously poking at his pancakes. This time, they did settle on room service.

“It’s not going to bite, Bones.”

“Are you sure?” Leonard looks up, narrowing his eyes at Jim. “What if it has poison?”

Jim chuckles, shaking his head. “If they wanted to poison us, they would have done it when we first got here.”

Leonard pushes the plate away. “I’m not hungry anyway.”

“I am,” Jim perks, joining Leonard at the table and digs into the food.

Leonard sighs and watches Jim.

“I guess it was a good idea to bring you along,” Jim says later, when they’re curled into each other on the bed after they both managed to get some food into their bellies that night. “Can you imagine what I’d be going through if I was alone with Hendorff?”

“Poor Jim,” Leonard teases.

“Hey,” Jim smacks Leonard’s chest playfully. “I’d be in agony. Oh, maybe we can explore the city tomorrow?” He suggests.

“Isn’t there more of the God-awful negotiation sessions tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but that’s later, at four I think. We should go for a walk, get some fresh air, what do you say?”

“I say why the hell not, beats murdering someone.”

Jim lifts his head and kisses Leonard’s stubbly cheek. “Can’t have you going to some weird alien jail, now can we?”

“Preferably not.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll never let anything happen to my beautiful Bones,” Jim promises.

*****

It happens so quickly that Leonard barely registers it.

One moment they’re sitting around a round table, Jim on his left as they discussed some details in the treaty, and the next moment the room is in chaos, people ducking under the table and shots ringing around them. The last thing Leonard hears is Jim’s horrified call of his name and then everything goes black.

When he comes to, he’s confused and hazed. His vision blurry and his hearing muffled, but he can make out the terrified look on Jim’s face above him, and the wide blue eyes radiating with fear and something else, something Leonard isn’t quite sure what it is.

He wants to reach out to Jim, tell him that he’s okay as he wonders why Jim is in such a state. But he can’t find his voice. The sudden yell of pain that tears through him sounds foreign to his ears. And he sees Jim wince, and feels something pressing down on his abdomen. And the fire increases, the burn crawls up his spine and settles in his eyes, salty tears rushing down the side of his face.

He can see Jim’s lips moving, but he can’t make out a thing. Ever so slowly, the noise around him starts to filter.

“Bones? Bones! Can you hear me? Bones!”

“Ji’?”

Jim eases slightly, but not enough. “Yeah, I’m here, I’m right here.”

“Oh _God_ ,” Leonard grinds his teeth in pain. “Jim,” he heaves.

“I know it hurts, believe me I know, but you gotta stay awake, Bones, stay with me,” Jim pleads, his own hands now coated with blood.

Leonard moves his head to the sides, taking in the scene around him. Beyond Jim’s words, he couldn’t hear much. All he could feel is the sticky warm liquid clinging to his skin and his uniform getting soaked. He moves his sight back to Jim and realizes he isn’t looking at him, Jim is yelling at Hendorff.

“Get us out of here now!”

Leonard’s so tired, he’ll close his eyes for just one moment. It will be quick. He hears Hendorff speak into his communicator, _Doctor McCoy…shot…emergency beam…_ And then he feels a hand on his cheek.

“ _No_! Bones, don’t close your eyes, you have to stay awake!” Jim’s voice returns sharp. It’s a moment or two before Jim leans down, resting his forehead against Leonard’s sweaty one and sighs. “Please, Bones…stay with me, focus on my voice. I need you, I need you so much, I can’t do this without you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” he chokes before recovering quickly. “I’m right here, I promise I’m not going anywhere, so don’t leave me. I know how inviting that big bright light is, but Leonard McCoy, don’t you dare take one step towards it. We’re not done yet, we still have so much to do and…if you go, I go. I love you, Bones, more than I ever thought I’d be capable of loving someone. Stay with me.”

Between Jim’s words and the shock he was currently going into, Leonard wasn’t feeling any more pain. It was getting harder to breathe, his vision narrowing and black edges setting in. It was only him and Jim, no one else. With all the strength he could muster, Leonard manages to knot his fingers in the hair at the bottom of Jim’s head, giving his neck a light squeeze,

“’S not your fault,” Leonard rasps.

Jim nods, a tear falling and lands on Leonard’s pale face. “It is, it’s my fault, and I’m going to do everything I can to fix it. Just…don’t leave me.”

A violent cough roughly shakes Leonard’s body and he feels like he’s about to puke up a lung, gasping for air and his insides dislodge and rattle, the pain echoing around. He gasps for a breath and draws a short one in.

“We’ll be out of here in no time,” Jim promises. “We’ll be back on the ship and we’re going to take care of you.” Out of experience, Jim tells Leonard the same things the doctor tells him when the situation is usually reversed. He remembers that hearing certain things helped in calming him down and right now, that’s all he wanted to do for Leonard.

“Hurts,” Leonard says, barely above a whisper.

“I know, babe, I know, it’s going to be all better soon,” Jim kisses Leonard’s forehead.

Leonard looks up at Jim’s face, his vision cloudy and blurry and not really seeing anything, just dazing around. “I love you, Jim.”

By the time Jim says it back, Leonard’s eyes have flutter shut.

Jim’s eyes go wide with terror as he begins to frantically shake Leonard’s shoulders, desperately trying to get a reaction. “Bones! No, damn it, you’re not dying on me! Bones! Wake up!”

Nothing happens. Leonard is dead weight.

Jim forces himself to tear his eyes away from his boyfriend’s figure and for the first time, takes a look around. And he feels sick to his stomach. He realizes just how much blood Leonard has lost, finding himself kneeling in a wide pool of crimson, staining his dress pants.

“Hendorff, McCoy just lost consciousness, we don’t have a lot of time, tell me you have that beam out!” Jim demands.

Hendorff shakes his head. “Negative, sir, they’ve blocked out all transport signals. Enterprise can’t beam us out.”

“How long!”

Hendorff disappears, likely going to find someone to get more information from.

Jim turns back to Leonard, immediately seeing the significant change that happened in less than a minute: he was paler, his breathing was short and rapid, he had broken into a full sweat and – Jim presses two fingers to his neck – his heart rate was through the roof.

“Come on, Bones, hold on, don’t do this to me, please, I’m right here.” Jim doesn’t bother stopping the tears from flowing down his cheek, falling into Leonard’s uniform under him. He takes a quick look around, still no Hendorff. He turns back to Leonard.

“Remember when—remember that day,” Jim’s voice shakes, he takes a deep breath to compose himself. “That day at the Academy when that big fight broke out between ten cadets and you came rushing into the mess, thinking that I had something to do with it because _how the hell can there be a fight without Jim Kirk being involved_ , ” he chuckles at Leonard’s face in his memory. “But I wasn’t involved, weirdly, I was getting there at the same time you were, just when I heard about it. You turn to face me and see a bruised eye and a split lip, but I remember how revealed you looked. Those cadets had broken bones and it didn’t seem like they were recovering any time soon…” Jim pauses. “You pulled me into a hug and I think it was the first time I saw how worried you were about me, I don’t know why this particular day but…that was also the day I finally realized that I was in love with, and had been since the moment I saw you. I never wanted to leave your arms. I felt safe, and wanted and I’ve never really felt those things before. You pulled back, saying how surprised you were and…I need you to surprise me now, Bones. Don’t leave, because after all these years, I only keep falling more and more in love with you and being alone isn’t an option anymore. Damn you, you hooked me and drew me in and I let down my walls and let you into my life and now you’re my entire life…don’t you dare take that away from me.”

The tiny voice in the back of Jim’s head begins to buzz. _No one’s coming, no one’s coming, you’re alone, he’s going to die_.

Jim shakes his head, roughly expelling those words. He knows they’ll make it back to the ship. They have to.

“Captain,” Hendorff pants, handing Jim the communicator. “The Commander.”

“Spock,” Jim hopes his voice isn’t as unbalanced as it sounds to his own ears. “Tell me you can get us out of here. Bones…”

“Any minute, Captain.”

“Have Medical in the transporter room, he’s lost so much blood.”

“Affirmative.”

A minute or a lifetime passes until Jim feels lighter, he immediately places his hand over Leonard’s chest and within seconds, the transporter room appears around them as the room leaps into action.

Jim slides back, watching as M’Benga and Chapel land in front of them, gently maneuvering Leonard onto a gurney. Jim feels two comforting hands on his shoulder and looks sideways to see Nyota kneeling behind him, holding him steady. He knows he’d be on his side if it weren’t for her stable grip.

The medical team throws information at each other and rush towards the bay, Jim stays still until the room is silent around him, except for his harsh breathing.

“Is he alive?” He dares to ask.

Nyota nods. “He is, they’re taking him into surgery. Let’s get you checked out.”

Jim stubbornly shakes his head. “No. Bones.”

“We’ll get updates, that’s a pretty deep cut on your eyebrow, Jim.”

“What?” Jim lifts his hand and brushes the tip of his finger over his eye and it stings.

“You didn’t know you were bleeding, did you?”

Jim shakes his head again. “So caught up with Bones.”

“You got him back to the ship alive, and they’re taking care of him now. Let’s take care of you.”

Jim allows Nyota to lead him out of the room and towards the medical bay. Jim was lost, and without Leonard, he would never be found.

*****

He was never comfortable in the med bay, that wasn’t news to anyone aboard the ship. Well, no, it didn’t have anything to do with comfort but rather, the idea of being poked and tested that sets Jim off. When it’s Leonard doing said poking and testing, Jim goes along with it, mostly because he loves the way the doctor looks. After he was done getting looked over and found that apart from the cut and a few bruises and abrasions over his body that will heal on their own, he was fine. And he hated himself for it.

The silence was eerie and unnatural, the space usually taken up by Leonard’s strong sturdy voice empty, so Jim hops off the biobed and strides into Leonard’s dark office, falling onto the couch and pulling his legs into his chest, a defense mechanism. He would sometimes fall asleep on this very couch, or find Leonard himself sleeping there instead. But right now, sleep was never going to come. Not unless it’s accompanied with nightmares. Jim is already in enough of a shock.

He feels the couch dip next to him and knows it’s Nyota. She throws her arm around his shoulder protectively and holds him close. He wouldn’t let go in front of anyone but Nyota isn’t just anyone. Over the years, they had grown closer and closer and have become like brother and sister, and for that Jim will always be grateful. She understands, she never judges him and she always knows exactly what to say to make him feel better. Though he doubts her words will have much impact on this particular situation. Still, he lets his tired body lean into her side and doesn’t stop the salty tears from dripping down his face.

“I know, Jim, I know,” Nyota sooths. She runs her hand up and down Jim’s arm and feels the tense muscle under her touch. “You gotta relax, you can’t strain yourself.”

Jim huffs. “How am I supposed to do that?”

“You can think about watching Leonard opening his eyes.”

“And then apologizing for getting him into this mess,” Jim adds.

“Hey, no, you won’t be doing any of that because there’s no reason for it, you didn’t do anything wrong, it wasn’t your fault. I know you’re stubborn, but you must be able to see that.”

“There are many things I didn’t see, including that we were played and Bones never should have been down there in the first place. He was there because I asked him.”

“If he didn’t want to go, you and I both know he would not have gone. This is neither your faults.”

Jim lets it slide. “What’s happening about the attack?”

“Well, the guy Hendorff tackled is currently being held by Starfleet and he’s being transferred back to Earth for interrogation and a trial,” Nyota recalled what Spock briefly told her.

“I want to interrogate him myself,” Jim demands in a stern voice.

“Jim, that’s not the best idea,” Nyota warns.

“He did this to _Bones_ , it’s the least I can do,” Jim spits angrily.

Nyota sighs, knowing when Jim Kirk sets his mind to it, it’s almost impossible to change it. She plays the only card that might work. “How about you wait till Len gets out of surgery and wakes up and then you can discuss it?”

Jim’s face hardens, turning to face her.

She doesn’t back down or take it back. She holds his gaze.

Jim’s face begins to soften, his shoulders slouching forward again. He nods.

“Okay,” Nyota squeezes his shoulder.

*****

M’Benga looks wary and exhausted when he walks out of the OR and into the bay where the majority of the bridge crew are sitting in silence, not really looking at each other. They all turn to face him but no one dares to speak. Jim is the first to get to his feet, albeit on shaky knees and sees Nyota do the same. The doctor conveys the wrong message by how tired he looks.

“Oh God, no…” Jim dreads, feeling his heart drop.

“He’s okay,” M’Benga says quickly, before Jim’s mind strays too far.

“He’s okay?”

“Yeah,” M’Benga nods. “There are some complications, but—”

“What kind of complications?” Jim’s eyes go wide.

“The projectile of the bullet wasn’t a straight one, when it pierced Leonard it caused major internal damage and it left a lot of jagged tissue and virtually nothing for the regenerator to be able to heal.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I had to close it the old fashioned way, there was too much damage for the regenerator to heal. Leonard will have a scar.”

Jim runs a hand over his face, rubbing his bloodshot eyes and tightly crossing his arms over his chest.

“There’s another thing,” M’Benga hesitated. “We took a sample of his blood and the bullet was laced with poison that made its way into his bloodstream, making it very hard to control. I don’t know what kind of poison, but I’m running tests right now and that will help me create an antidote to counter act it.”

“What’s the damage from that?” Jim asked in a small voice.

“Anything from heart damage, to nerve and tissue damage, to brain damage…anything. I know this isn’t helping, but I know you’d want to get the entire picture.”

Jim feels his knees go weak, and he would have tumbled forward if it weren’t for Uhura’s sudden and quick thinking as she wrapped an arm around him, giving him the balance he lacks.

“And uh, when are we going to find out?”

“When he wakes up, it’s a waiting game until then.”

“Doctor, the results are in,” Chapel cuts in from behind M’Benga.

“I’ll keep you updated,” he promises.

“When can we see him?” Nyota speaks up, knowing the question is lurking around in Jim’s head but he’s been given too much information to be able to ask it.

“In a few minutes.”

Ten minutes later, Jim finds himself standing inside the private room, having the walls dimmed to keep the concerned yet prying eyes of the crew away. There wasn’t anything they could do for their CMO at the moment, and he, and Jim, needed privacy.

Jim drags his feet across the room and stands next to Leonard’s bed, suddenly scared to touch him. Scared to cause any more damage. Reluctantly, he reaches out and takes Leonard’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Hey babe, I’m here, and you’re okay. M’Benga took real good care of you. I’m not leaving your side,” he moves his other hand to brush a strand of black hair from Leonard’s forehead and feels goosebumps prickling over his skin at their contact.

If only it were reciprocated.

It was all gone, the image in front of Jim. It looked wrong, seeing Leonard in such a state, not knowing if he would be coming out of this. He couldn’t bring himself to think about the possibility that this is the end.

Jim unconsciously tightens his grip on Leonard’s hand, desperately needing him to show any signs of progress. Nothing happens all night.

He settles into the cot brought into Leonard’s room by one of the nurses, pulling it close enough to be able to lean backwards and hold Leonard’s hand at the same time. Jim looks up when he sees Chapel enter the room, giving him a slight nod and small smile. She turns to the interactive board, watching as Leonard’s vitals dance in front of her.

“How is he?” Jim anxiously asks, sitting up straight.

“He’s stable,” Chapel assures. “M’Benga is running more tests on the antidote. It will be ready soon.”

By the next day, Leonard had deteriorated and fast. The temporary antibiotics given to him in hopes of slowing down the effects of the poison had failed.

“Something’s wrong,” Jim gets to his feet when M’Benga strides into the room.

The doctor doesn’t answer the captain, but quickly makes his way to the opposite side of Leonard’s bed, lifting his eyelids and flashing a penlight into them.

Jim hears him mutter a curse.

“Geoff?”

“His eyes are irritated, his breathing is shallow and—” The wail of the biobed cut him off. “And his blood pressure just bottomed dangerously. Chapel! Fill him up with fluids! Keep them going, we need to get this under control!”

“He also developed a fever overnight,” Chapel adds, going to hang a bag of fluids and connecting it to Leonard’s IV.

M’Benga nods, eyes racing over Leonard’s chart to figure out what’s to be done next. “Keep an eye on that fever, he’s gotta hold on for two more hours. I’ll have it ready by then.”

Less than an hour later, Leonard’s body begins to thrash aggressively and it’s the most horrific scene Jim had ever seen.

“What’s happening?” He demands from Chapel who rushes in.

“He’s having a seizure!” She quickly throws the blankets off Leonard’s body. “I need you to help me turn him on his side and hold his head in place,” she instructs Jim.

Although still in shock, he follows her orders and finds himself leaning down, whispering comforting words into Leonard’s ear and he thanks whichever god is listening when the spasm finally subsides.

“Thank God it’s over,” Jim whispers.

Together they lay him back on his back and Chapel securely covers his body. She runs the penlight over his pupils and faces Jim.

“Equal and reactive,” Chapel nods. No brain damage then.

Jim visibly relaxed a bit. “No more surprises, Bones. He’s sweating like crazy.”

“It’s one of the effects. He’s almost done, Captain.”

Thirty minutes later, M’Benga administers the antidote and they wait.

Jim asks the doctor to comm Spock to the medbay.

“Captain?” Spock enters, standing in his usual pose with a straight posture and his hands interlocked behind his back. “You asked to see me?”

Jim nods. “Have a seat, Spock.” He looks so tired and young.

“Has there been any progress?” Spock asks, referring to Leonard.

“Antidote seems to be working. His fever is almost gone, his blood pressure and heart rate are within normal ranges, a little low but that’s expected and he hasn’t had another seizure so it’s looking up. We’re just waiting for him to come around.”

“All hopeful signs, Captain,” Spock gives him the best smile he could muster.

“Listen Spock,” Jim draws in a deep breath. “When Bones comes out of this, there’s no telling what’s going to happen. There can be no damage at all or there can be a lot of damage. What I’m saying is…I can’t be both his boyfriend and the captain.”

“I do not understanding your meaning, Jim.”

“I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not the captain anymore, I’m emotionally compromised and I can barely see straight.”

“I will gladly step up until you are fit to resume command,” Spock says.

Jim gives him a sad smile. “That’s just it, Spock, I’m not going back. It’s not an easy decision, but when I look at Bones, it turns into a no-brainer.”

Spock frowns for a few moment and then catches on to Jim’s words. “Captain…”

Jim shakes his head. “I’m not the captain, you are.”

“I believe such a heavy and daunting decision should not be made in such an emotional and fragile situation,” Spock raises an eyebrow.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” Jim admits. “Bones doesn’t know, but it’s been on my mind. And…this is the last straw. I think we’ve both given enough, I’m proud of what we have achieved and the names we carry, but…I want to grow old with Bones, and being in space just might not allow that. I ran away from Earth because I had no one and now I have Bones and he means more to me than space ever will. I can’t risk losing him again.”

Jim’s suddenly aware of just how much he shared with Spock, a faint flush coloring his face. He’s tired, it’s understandable. He didn’t realize just how much weight was on his chest, and now he could finally breathe.

Spock looks like he’s taken aback with everything Jim had told him, but he recovers quickly. “I understand, as long as it is what you truly want. And what Leonard would want, too.”

“Trust me, there’s nothing more he’d want,” Jim chuckles.

“Very well. Any last orders or wishes to be carried out?”

“Take care of her, Spock. And act as you see fit…Captain,” he smiles. He turns to Leonard when Spock leaves the room. “Just you and me now, babe.”

*****

Leonard comes around two days later. He sucks in a breath and coughs it out, Jim immediately getting to his feet and leaning over Leonard’s body.

“Bones? Bones, can you hear me?”

Leonard squints, and Jim orders the room to dim.

“Darlin’,” Leonard whispers.

And Jim could cry tears of happiness right then and there. “Right here, hey.” He brushes his lips against Leonard’s forehead. Leonard groans and Jim pulls back. “You okay? Want me to get Geoff?”

Leonard shakes his head slightly. “Thirsty.”

Jim reaches out for the cup on the side table and guides the straw into Leonard’s mouth, repeating what the doctor always tells him, “slow sips.”

He hears Leonard puffing but smiles.

“Ben would want to know you’re awake.”

Leonard wraps his hand around Jim’s wrist before he gets a chance to leave his side.

“I’ll be right back, two seconds,” Jim promises and is freed.

“Glad you finally joined us, McCoy,” M’Benga walks in a few minutes later. “Gave us a real scare.”

Leonard arches his eyebrow. “Is that why I feel so dry?”

“Pretty much,” M’Benga nods. “The bullet was laced with poison and that took its toll. You were basically touch and go for a while. And for that reason, I’ll need to do a full neuro workup and a complete physical.”

Leonard nods.

“As for now, your numbers are stable. You’ll probably be groggy for a while so if you feel like you’re drifting off, go to sleep, okay? Don’t be too stubborn. Jim can use the rest, too. Hasn’t left your side.” With that, M’Benga left the two men.

“’ _Jim_ ’?”

“Yeah?”

“No, no, he called you Jim, what happened to ‘captain’?”

“Well, I’m not…that…anymore,” Jim said with nervousness.

“Not what exactly?”

“Captain.”

Leonard stares at Jim for a couple seconds. “Have I been out for years or…”

Jim chuckles. “Spock is captain.”

“Spock?”

“I think it’s time.”

“For?”

“For a normal life, on solid ground, you and me, together. No aliens, no space, no weird diseases, no more. Feeling the sun on our skin is a bonus, too.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Jim?”

“I’m serious,” Jim takes Leonard’s hand. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I was trying to come up with a way to tell you. But here we are. And I think this is more reason to hang up our stripes.”

“This wasn’t your fault,” Leonard said, reading between the lines.

Jim stays silent, averting his eyes away from Leonard.

“Are you listening to me?” Leonard urges. “It was an accident.”

“I just…I can’t take this happening again, I can’t risk it. I found you, Bones. All those years ago, my life was empty and I had no one and just like that you walk into my life and you become my entire world. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ll always be grateful for Starfleet because it brought us together, but I won’t let it tear us apart…again.”

Leonard is slowly becoming aware of the water building in his eyes. He watches Jim’s face, full of concern and truth and he notices a spark in the blue eyes, one he hasn’t seen in a long time. The spark of determination. He knew Jim didn’t have any of that memorized, knew he probably wanted to wait till Leonard was in better shape to say all that but he also knew Jim couldn’t keep it in. Jim Kirk, what’s on his mind and in his heart is always on his tongue.

“Come here,” Leonard moves slightly, making space for Jim next to him.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m sure,” Leonard nods.

“Who’s breaking the rules now?” Jim teases and hesitatingly climbs onto the biobed next to Leonard.

“Yeah, yeah, but I’ll be damned if I let the rules stop me from holding you close.”

Jim smiled.

“I guess I should prepare M’Benga to be the CMO then.”

Jim looks up at Leonard’s face, surprise drawn in his features.

“Wherever you go, that’s where I’ll be. But yeah, I think it’s time, too.” Leonard manages to capture Jim’s lips in a soft, passionate kiss, rubbing his thumb over three day’s worth of stubble on his cheek.

“You have a scar,” Jim says in a small voice.

“That’s okay, you have your own scars too. Scars show where you’ve been and what you’ve had to overcome.”

Jim brushes the tip of his finger over the thin standard patient shirt and finds the bumpy skin. And he starts getting used to it.

The farewell party for Leonard and Jim was a simple one, filled with good music, delicious food, cold drinks and most importantly, they were surrounded by family. They know that whether the crew is five minutes away or countless light years away, they’ll always have each other. And they never forget it.


End file.
